The one thing you need to read today
Imagine you are arguing with someone right now; what would be your goal?
99% of cases? Being right, of course!
Let’s face it: being right is a useless pursuit while arguing job-related topic.
I am sure that “being right” is a point to prove when the two people are a manager and an employee. Often time the main reason of arguing about being right is not to prove the point of the conversation. It is to prove the solidity of the position in the hierarchy. But at which cost? I would like to share my thought about all the things we are losing while we are right
I think all of you reading this article can recognize that strong feeling, the powerful feeling of being right while arguing with someone, figure it like a lightbulb turned on in your mind, a lightbulb so powerful that covers all the things around you.
“For our ego the sensation of being right is like electricity to a lightbulb”
Truth is, the exact moment in which we realize we are absolutely right we change completely our attitude. For use a metaphor the same way we change our attitude playing poker when the fourth Axes we needed just show up on the table. It’s about self-confidence.
In that moment we start acting with the passive-aggressive attitude seeing nothing else but our point. Main synthons? Strong desire to take action, to yell, to argue, to make the other person really understand that we are right! And to prove we are right it doesn’t matter if there will be collateral damage. Just imagine how many time this attitude can bring to bad decision, bad relation with employees, lack of motivation in the team, ecc.
I felt that often, it used to happen when there was someone in front of me talking while I was focused on that big banner in my mind telling me “you are right, it doesn’t matter what he is saying, you are RIGHT”.
I don’t really know when I start realizing it, I start seeing that bulb like it was real. I was understanding the exact moment in which I was incurring in a bias. So what I realized understanding the existence of a problem?
I was losing important information from that person, pieces of information that probably would change my point of view. Thus, I start listening instead of thinking about my next argumentation. I start building the next step of the conversation only when I had all the elements, being able to give more clear information to the person I was talking.
Exercise: next time you are arguing with someone, take a big breath and start listening. The moment in which you think you are right in the conversation, turn off that big lightbulb and keep being focus on the conversation.
“Being right is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”
As a good manager you should become invested in being right. When arguing just try to put your ego out of the equation.
Am I right?